Earners below £15,500 are sentient, say Conservatives

BRITAIN’S Conservative Party has confirmed its belief that people who earn under £15,500 per year are sentient.
The Tories have been accused of saying that people on or below the minimum wage would be effectively unaware of a kick in the shin or a nasty remark.
On the other hand, a well-rewarded manager, senior banker or Cabinet minister would feel real, bitter pain.
This was described by Conservative top brass as “a hurtful slur”.
They categorically deny they believe those with higher incomes have a greater capacity to feel loss or anguish.
Environment Secretary Michael Gove said: “There has been a lot of silly nonsense about this on social media.
“Just because someone is a minimum wage earner it doesn’t mean they won’t feel distress if they are hunted with packs of hounds. That’s a lie spread by the squealing left.
“Of course low-income people can feel pain, otherwise there would be no point in the police carrying sticks.”
The government was clearly stung by criticisms after it rejected an amendment to the EU withdrawal bill from Caroline Lucas, the Green MP.
The move would have adopted a part of the Lisbon treaty into UK law to recognise explicitly that less well-off citizens were sentient lifeforms.
But the government insists the poor are already protected by UK welfare provisions, although sentience is not attributed to them by the letter of the law.
Mr Gove added: “The government wants to make it perfectly clear there are no plans to change the law on hunting with dogs. We are committed to affording the same respect to animals as we do to the less well-off.”